I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
In other news, I just burned my penis
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
