If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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