and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
