is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
