I just made out with a guy for $7.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
