the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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