when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
