he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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