Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
