You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Randomize
