Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
