Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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