i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
