At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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