What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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