1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
