3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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