just come out here and I will go home with you...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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