If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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