I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
