Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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