There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
