he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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