where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
