Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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