Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
