That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
