Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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