So drunk its hurt
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
