He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
