Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
