Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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