Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize