dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I could fuck to npr.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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