i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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