i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
