My room smells like vodka and shame
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
