im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
