I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
