a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
