After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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