Jerry, you need to find god
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
