dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
