I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
