So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
