I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
