i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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