cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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