During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
