he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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