Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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