i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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