I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
