he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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