All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
