3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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