I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
