Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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