at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
