i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
