he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Help me help you realize you are a moron
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
