He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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