it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
we're so committed to being not committed
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
