Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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