just tell him i said nine months
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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