i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
