The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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