I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
