my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
