I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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