Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
