I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
