I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
