Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize